Gut check #030 written by JG on 2/2/21.
Sources of pride
What should one be proud of? Holding down a job? Hitting your goals and getting your bonus? Raising happy and healthy children? Working for someone else? Punching a clock?
I guess I’m proud of our little home, of a good relationship with my wife and of our two little boys, who are happy and healthy and growing up as any parent could hope. I’m proud of my friendships with friends and neighbors. I’m proud of personal goals met in 2020.
Sources of anxiety
Speaking of the two little boys, one sleeps well but the other is just learning how. So that keeps me (us) up at night.
But in the greater sense of anxiety, I fear I’ve not achieved what I’m capable of.
I work for a company. I report to a director. I give my time in exchange for compensation. But I’m not afforded the opportunity (or I haven’t earned the opportunity) to create. To build. To make something remarkable happen. Maybe work isn’t the place for that, maybe that is what side projects are for.
In the grand scheme of things, I’m anxious about achievement. Have I gotten all the way to 36 years of age and never achieved anything? Or is a home and a family and a job enough? If that isn’t enough, what is? Starting a small company? Helping other entrepreneurs? Learning a ton about a topic and passing it along to others? What is achievement? Joining the unicorn club? Well that’s probably not happening.
Bold future dreams
I want to write a kids book.
I want to get a fulfilling job.
I want to take time to enjoy my hobbies more often.
I want to go somewhere and do something. Maybe that’s #vanlife or #motorhomelife or #weworklife somewhere far away. Maybe its just working out of an AirBnb somewhere interesting, in the mountains. To ski and ride when you want.
But go do SOMETHING.